


Chance of Happiness

by eyeofdionysus



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7041727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyeofdionysus/pseuds/eyeofdionysus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first attempt at a Marvel fic. Of course I own nothing but the ideas. If there are any triggers anywhere I will note them at the start of the chapter. I hope you like this and any feedback is appreciated.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a Marvel fic. Of course I own nothing but the ideas. If there are any triggers anywhere I will note them at the start of the chapter. I hope you like this and any feedback is appreciated.

You tried not to stare, but you couldn't help it, you were fascinated. The way the light caught the silver making it shine. You wondered how it would feel against your skin. Would it feel cold to the touch or warm? Would he be able to feel you touching it?  
"Y/N"  
A sharp poke to the ribs had you snapping out of your trance.  
"Y/N? Did you hear anything I just said?"  
"Hhhmmmm. What?"  
"Guys, let's just take a break. We'll meet back here tomorrow"  
You sat still while Nat, Clint, Wanda, Sam and Bucky cleared the room. You knew Steve was going to say something.  
This was an important time. Hydra had raised their ugly head and you needed to start focusing on your research if you were going to help the team. You needed to concentrate more on the intel coming through and less on Bucky and his shiny arm.

Steve sat in front of you. With a look that was a mixture of annoyance and sadness almost. He knew you were in love with his best friend, but he also knew you were too insecure to act on it. What saddened him more was that he knew Bucky felt the same about you and was also too insecure to act on it.  
"Y/N. You know how important things are right now for us. We need you to be 100% focused on the task at hand."  
You felt guilty. You knew what he was talking about. "I'm sorry Steve. I'll focus more. I promise"  
As you got up to leave, Steve stopped you by putting his hand on your arm. He looked at you with caring blue eyes. "Don't let a chance of happiness go by. Grab it while you can"

You sat on your bed playing Steve's words over and over again. You walked over to your door with the thought of going to see Bucky and laying your cards out on the table. But you walked back to your bed again. You must have done this about 20 times. What would you say to him when he answered his door "Hi Bucky. I’m in love with you and I would like you to fuck me"  
Nope! That would never work. You fell asleep eventually after giving up on ideas.

"Bucky. Would you just trust me on this. I wouldn't lie to you."  
"She's too good for the likes of me Steve."  
"Look. You guys will have the place to yourselves tomorrow. Just for God's sake make your move."

You had been sitting in the war room for hours. You had hardly slept. You rubbed your eyes for the thousandth time and banged your head on the table in frustration.  
"Hey. You look like you could do with this"  
You lifted your head and say Bucky standing to your side holding a cup of coffee out to you. He was wearing black jeans and that maroon Henley that you adored on him. He tilted his head to the side as he gestured to the cup in his hand.  
"Oh. Sorry. Yes. Thank you."  
You felt flustered, he had that affect on you, as you took the cup from his metal hand.  
He pulled up one of the leather chairs to sit next to you and started looking through the papers that were scattered around the desk.  
"Would you like some help?"  
"Umm"  
He smiled at your distracted reply.  
"Y/N"  
You stopped working. You'd rarely heard him say your name. You liked how it sounded on his lips. You smiled.  
"I'm sorry. I'm just so caught up in all this intel and nothing's making sense anymore and I feel like I'm going round in circles and my shoulders hurt and my head is starting to hurt"  
You noticed he was chuckling slightly as you spoke. "And I'm also rambling. I'm sorry. I do that when I'm nervous"  
You pretty much stuck your whole face into your coffee cup, realising you said that out loud. You caught Bucky's face change slightly. He moved as if he were about to leave.  
"Wait" You reached out and grabbed his metal arm. He stared at you as you appeared transfixed by the feel of it. You weren’t even aware of your fingers gently gliding over the cool silver.  
"Does it hurt?" You looked up at him as your fingers continued to explore.  
He shook his head.  
"What's it like out there? The fighting?" Your fingers moved down to his hand.  
"It was hard at first. But then it became like second nature. Your adrenaline takes over and you do whatever you can to survive. For a while I didn't feel a thing when I was killing. But now."  
He slowly turned his hand over and entwined his fingers with yours.  
"You have your free will back" You said in an almost whisper.  
You felt the tension rise and needed to clear the air before you said or did anything stupid.  
"I need a break from all this" You waved your arms over the desk. " I feel the need to blow off some steam"  
Bucky's eyebrows furrowed as he give you a questioning look, before his lips curled into a slight smile as he wordless took your hand and lead you to the firing range. 

You stood silently at the head of the lane and watched as he gathered everything he thought he'd need. You felt giddy. You had watched him train with several firearms in secret many times. You loved watching how the muscles in his arms formed as he prepared to pull the trigger. How his lips sometimes parted and how he looked so powerful with a gun in his hands.  
He laid everything out in front of you. And started to explain what everything was.  
You tried to pay attention, but you found yourself getting lost in his voice. It was too distracting.  
"Y/N. Are you listening?"  
"It's really big"  
You closed your eyes and mentally slapped yourself.  
"I'm sorry." You muttered as you looked at the ground.  
Bucky smiled and gestured for you to move into position. He moved your hips to where they should be to give you the steady grounding that you'd need. He handed you the gun and assisted with the correct way to hold it. When he was happy with your positioning he instructed you how to fire. You focused on his words instead of his voice and fired. There was some recoil to your shoulder that had you huffing out air, and would no doubt leave a bruise. He brought the target forward and you both seemed impressed. You more so for the fact that you actually hit it. He sent it back and this time came to stand directly behind you.  
You heard his breath catch as he placed his legs on either side of you. He pressed his chest to your back and brought his hands over yours.  
You swore you could feel his heart beating. His voice was a little more breathy than usual and you could feel him pressing into backside. You felt yourself getting warmer and it wasn't just from his body heat. His breath on your neck was stirring your insides. You closed your eyes. Trying to focus, but all you could focus on was his body pressed against yours, his hot breath on your skin and his, now not so secret arousal.  
"Wow!" You breathed out. "It really is big" You wiggled your backside slightly.  
"Y/N" he breathed onto the sensitive part of your neck. You whimpered. You turned your head ever so slightly to look at him. His eyes looked darker. You quickly turned back to the gun and pulled the trigger, placing it down, before turning back to Bucky. You tilted your head and cautiously brought your lips to his. All the time praying internally that you hadn't got it wrong. When he didn't respond you pulled away, apologising for your mistake. You tried to move away, but he turned you to face him. You kept your eyes closed for fear that if you opened them, you'd cry.  
Bucky stroked your cheek with his thumb before placing a gentle kiss on your lips. He ran his tongue over your lips asking for permission. You obliged and the kisses soon became heated. You brought your hands to his head, grabbing his hair. His metal arm went to the small of your back as he pulled you closer, while his other hand was at the back of your neck.  
He pushed you against the lane barrier. Taking your hands and holding them above your head. Both of you breathing heavily.  
"Not here"  
Was all he said before taking your hand and leading you to your room.


	2. Chapter 2

Your nerves were taking over. Was this really happening? Could he really feel the same way about you? You really had to stop overthinking and just go with the flow.  
You opened your bedroom door. Bucky stepped in behind you. This was all new to you and you truly had no idea what you were doing. You sat down on the edge of your bed and gestured for Bucky to join you.  
He sat close to you, your sides touching. He took your hand in his and started tracing patterns on the back. You felt like a teenager.  
"Y/N" his voice was soft. He kept his eyes on your hands as he spoke "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to"  
"I know"  
He nodded at your response. You felt like there was something else he was trying to say. Maybe he was feeling as nervous as you?  
"Bucky?" He lifted his head to look at you "Can we take this slowly?"  
"Of course" He smiled at you. "Would it be ok if I kissed you again?"  
"I'd like that"  
He leaned forward, bringing his lips to yours. The kiss was slow and soft. His hand coming up to the back of neck, holding you closer.

****Flashback****  
"Y/N" Steve shouted. You had your headphones in and couldn't hear anything apart from your music blasting in your ears.  
You hadn't seen Steve walk into the war room, you were in your own world as you worked. Dancing in your chair and softly singing along.  
"As you can see, she is very engrossed in her work" Steve chuckled as he moved to the side of the table.  
He waved a hand in front of you making you jump, pulling your headphones out from the laptop. The music filling the room. You scrambled to turn it off.  
"Shit. Sorry. Sorry."  
"Y/N" Steve was trying hard not to laugh. "This is Bucky"  
You froze. Yours eyes widened. "Bucky Bucky. As in your Bucky?"  
Bucky gave you a puzzled look, but his lips were slightly curled at the edges.  
Steve smiled and shook his head slightly. "Yes y/n. That Bucky"  
You looked at Bucky and the minute your eyes locked you were gone.  
You and Steve had spent many a long night sitting talking and Steve had opened up about Bucky and told you everything. You weren't aware you were staring until Steve coughed.  
"Oh. Right. Hi." You reached out your hand and he took it, smiling at you. "I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet you"  
"That's a first" He replied with a wink. You felt yourself begin to blush.  
**********

Bucky felt you smile as you kissed. He pulled back a little to look at you.  
"What you thinking?" He asked pushing your hair behind your ear.  
"I just had a flashback to the first time I met you"  
"I remember that too." He smiled at you "You got all flustered and it was pretty cute"  
You could feel your cheeks start to burn. Bucky placed a thumb under you chin to tilt your head up to him slightly.  
"I'm going to kiss you again. And I don't think I'll be able to stop. So. If you don't want this to go any further. Please tell me now."  
You took a couple of deep breaths as you continued to look into his icy-blue eyes, which now looked full of concern due to you not answering him.  
"This is so embarrassing." You whispered, more to yourself than to Bucky. "I. Ummm. I've never...Umm. You know. Umm. Things might not even go that far, but." You chuckled nervously. "I've never had sex before" You blurted out quickly before hiding your head in your hands. "I'm sorry" Your voice was soft and muffled.  
"Hey. You've nothing to be sorry for." He placed his hands over yours to remove them from your face, so he could actually look at you. "If you still want this. I'm happy to take our time. I want you to be happy"  
You smiled as tears threatened.  
"One thing I gotta know though. How come you're still a virgin? I mean. You're beautiful, funny, smart, caring and you've never been with a guy. I don't get it?" He was smiling at you, obviously trying to make you feel better.  
You shrugged your shoulders. "Guess I just never met the right guy." You quirked an eyebrow at him "Who would've thought that guy would end up being a deadly ex-Hydra assassin with a metal arm."  
Bucky chuckled "Wow! You certainly know how to pick them” He kissed you gently. “So. You and Steve never?”  
“NO!” You exclaimed, perhaps a little too loudly. “Me and Steve never. We’re friends is all”  
He held his hands up in defense and laughed. “Something just occurred to me. Well. I was frozen for years and had my mind wiped so many times, so I can't remember if I've had sex before. Maybe I'm a virgin too"  
He gave you such an innocent look, that you couldn't help but laugh. "Nice try Buck"  
“Come here doll” He pulled you into him and kissed the top of your head. 

****Flashback****  
You hadn't meant to stand there as long as you had, but you struggled to get your feet to move away from the door the training room. Steve and Bucky were training together. The way they moved was like the most perfectly choreographed ballet.  
Steve was in his usual white tank and grey sweatpants. Parts of his top now see through thanks to his sweat.  
Bucky had his long hair tied back in a little ponytail that you thought was cute. He was wearing a black tank and black sweatpants. The top leaving little to the imagination. Both men grunting and sweating as they trained. The way the smiled as they fought. Both seeming so happy and carefree. It looked as if they weren't using their full strength against each other. Like they were just playing. You were transfixed.  
"You doing ok there y/n?"  
You jumped not expecting anyone else to be around.  
"Ummm. Nat. Hi. I. Umm."  
Nat looked into the room then back at you. "I don't blame you" she said with a wink as she walked into the room to join the boys.  
You looked away, wishing you could be more like her. You had very little training and the thought of Nat being so close to Bucky made you see green. She was, of course, the type of girl Bucky would go for, you assumed. You looked one last time and saw Bucky staring at you, a small smile gracing his lips. You ducked your head and walked away.  
When you walked past again a little while later, Bucky and Nat were still training. At least you thought they were training. They were so close that it hurt your heart to watch.  
***********

You spent a long time kissing and decided you would never tire of that. He was good. Not that you really had anyone to compare him to, but he was really good.  
During your ‘make out’ session, you ended up lying down with Bucky on top. He was keeping most of his weight off you by leaning up on his forearms, but his hips were holding you in place. Every little movement from them sent a little jolt through you making you moan into his mouth, which would make him roll his hips again.  
After a few more minutes of this he stopped and rolled over so he was laying next to you.  
“Did I do something wrong?” you asked in an almost whisper  
He turned to face you, placing an arm over you and kissing you. “No. But, If we keep this up, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop and I don’t want you doing something you aren’t ready for.”  
You silently nodded. He stood up, pulling you with him, as he made to leave your room. You stood at your door kissing some more before he reluctantly pulled away to go to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky fell back on his bed and groaned. His needed to remedy his current situation. He stripped out of his clothes and took himself in hand. It had been a while, so as expected, he didn't take long.  
Afterwards, he stepped into the shower to clean himself up. He stood under the hot water allowing it to calm his breathing.

****Flashback****  
“That came from Bucky's room” Steve said as he began running down the hall. You followed, but not as quickly.  
Steve pushed the door open as you both fell into the room.  
Bucky was writhing on the bed, screams of pain wracking his throat.  
Steve sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook his shoulder. “Bucky. Bucky. Hey buddy. It's Steve.”  
The screams turning to whimpers. Steve turned to look at you with sadness in his eyes. You couldn't even begin to imagine what these night terrors were like.  
This wasn't the first time you'd experienced this and you hated to think that it probably wouldn't be the last.  
You focused your eyes on Bucky's shaking form and climbed on the bed lying down beside him. You stroked his hair and spoke softly in his ear.  
“Bucky. You're ok sweetheart. You're with Steve and y/n. You're safe now”  
You continued these ministrations until his breathing calmed and he fell back into a deep calm sleep.  
You and Steve exchanged looks. “We can’t leave him like this?” You quietly stated.  
Steve nodded as he silently stood and left Bucky's room leaving you lying on the bed with him, still stroking his hair.  
Steve returned with a couple of blankets and pillows. He set up a bed for himself on the chair and you pulled the other blanket over you on the bed.

Bucky woke a little surprised to see Steve asleep in his room. He was even more surprised at you sleeping next to him.  
“You were having a bad night” Steve spoke, eyes still closed. He knew Bucky was awake and silently questioning. “We came in to calm you down and you eventually settled once she lay down next to you” Steve was now standing and stretching.  
**********

Bucky climbed out of the shower once he'd taken care of himself once again. He pulled on some black pj pants not bothering with a top and laid back on top of his bed.  
His mind was starting to race. He reached for his phone and typed a message out surprisingly quickly.

B - I would like to take you out on a date.

He stared at the small screen, urging a reply to come through.

Y/N - A date? How very old school Sgt. Barnes.  
B - Is that a yes?  
Y/N - yes x

He smiled to himself at thought of going on a date and chuckled at your ‘old school’ comment. It had been a long, long time since he’d done that, and after your confession, he thought that it might be nice to do things ‘old school’.

You sat your phone back down on the bedside table, giddy with the thought that Bucky wanted to take you on a date. You thought that it was kind of romantic because that didn’t seem to happen these days. You drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face.

****Flashback****  
“Bucky, would you please stop pacing, you’re making me dizzy” You called from your spot on the couch.  
He had been pacing back and forth for a good half hour and it was driving you mad. He paced one more time before dropping down in the seat next to you. He was quiet, but was fidgeting. You glared at him and he stopped, but he continued to stare you down.  
“What is wrong with you?” You asked feeling like it could be a loaded question.  
He started fidgeting again, bouncing his leg up and down. “I feel agitated. I don’t know what to do with myself. Steve isn’t here and I feel so out of my comfort zone and my head hurts”  
The last statement came out a little pathetic that you couldn’t help but smile. You stood up and offered him your hand. He raised his eyebrow in question, but took it as he stood.  
“Come on”

You lead him out through the garage and round the side of the compound. The sun was shining and all you could hear were birds chirping away. Bucky walked beside you in silence. You took him to a small clearing that was near a small man-made lake. You sat with your back to one of the trees and watched how took in the surroundings. You gestured for him to sit down between your legs with his back to you. He seemed very unsure about your request so move to sit next to you instead.

“You still got a sore head?” You looked at him as flopped down next to you nodding, “Well come here then” you motioned again for him to sit between your legs. He positioned himself between your legs with his back to you. He was tense and stiff, you rolled your eyes as you pulled him by his shoulders to lean on your chest. 

“Relax” you whispered in his ear as your hands rubbed his neck moving up into his hair. You began slowly massaging his scalp and temple.  
“Just relax. Nice deep breaths”  
Bucky could feel himself relaxing and his headache disappearing with every little touch. “That feels so good.” He practically moaned as he leaned into you more.  
You kissed the top of his head as you felt his breathing slow and even out. You stopped massaging and just played with his hair. 

You looked around and saw little flowers in the grass all round you and smiled.

“Y/N? Are you putting flowers in my hair?” He questioned, his eyes still closed.  
“No” You tried to keep a straight face as you silently took your phone from your pocket.  
You held it up in front of the two of you and snapped a couple of pictures.  
“You better not show them to Sam. I'll never hear the end of it”  
“Oh I wouldn't dare. These are going straight into my private folder”  
He tilted his head slightly to look at you. “You have a private folder of photographs? What type of photographs?”  
“Now if I told you that, it wouldn't really be a private folder now would it?”  
He just shrugged in response before making himself comfortable again. 

“Hey Cap” Sam called Steve over to the window “You see this?” He pointed to where you and Bucky were sitting. Both of you asleep under the tree.  
**********


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fyi that flashbacks are not in any chronological order. Also, this chapter is a little shorter. Any feedback is gratefully appreciated. Hope you enjoy

You padded down the hall, bare feet on the cold floor as you made your way to the lift to take you up to the kitchen area. You were still in your pj's, hair a mess and sleepy eyes, knowing that no one would bother.  
As you approached the communal living area of the compound you heard talking.  
“So, how’d it go last night?”  
You pressed yourself against the wall as you heard Steve asking the question.  
“Really well”  
“Good. It’s about time.”  
You heard both Steve and Bucky chuckle.  
“I asked her to go on a date”  
“A date? People still go on those these days?”  
Bucky smiled at his friend. “Problem is, I don’t know where I could take her. It’s not like I can really go out anywhere in public”  
You could hear the sound of a chair moving across the floor, so you assumed Steve had sat down to continue to conversation. You were feeling bad for eavesdropping, but you couldn’t help it. It was kind of sweet that Bucky was asking his best friend for advice and of course, Steve knew you better than anyone. You wondered if they were like that back in the day, or if it would’ve been Steve asking Bucky.  
“Y/N will be happy with whatever you do. She’s not a ‘getting dressed up and going out’ kind of girl, though she does like dancing. She’s happy curling up on the couch watching movies and eating junk food. Bucky. She’ll be happy just being with you”

****Flashback****  
Steve and Bucky were sitting opposite each other in the living area. Bottle of whisky on the table between them. They were laughing, catching up on old times, reminiscing about lost loves and how things were different and yet the same in some ways.  
“Tell me more about y/n” Bucky asked as he leaned back in his chair  
“What do you want to know?” Steve smirked, you were the first person that he had actually asked about. “Well, ok. I’ll start from the beginning. She used to work for Tony, well more Pepper actually, Tony’s girl. She proved her worth when some trouble went down at Stark Industries and well, I guess Tony just liked having her around. He trusts her. I first met her when they first brought me here. She was the one who helped me get up to speed on the modern world. And was the one I found myself talking to most about things”

Bucky leaned forward in his seat as his friend looked away. 

“She was so patient with me, never rushed me, answered all my questions, still does in fact. She's like the shelter in the storm, you know. Geeze, that sounds really cheesy!”  
Steve poured another drink and gestured to refill Bucky's  
“You know. She was the one who first brought you up to me while the others would avoid the subject. She was the only one who would just listen while I talked about you and ask me questions. She was the one who helped me and Sam find you.”  
“So are you and her together then?”  
Steve nearly choked on his drink “No. No. No. We, ah, no, we. We were never together. I, uh, I do love her, but I’m not in love with her. I thought I might have been a while back, and we kind of tested the waters, but there was no romantic chemistry there. But I’ll always love her. I’d trust her with my life.”  
Bucky felt relieved at that moment when Steve confirmed you weren’t a couple. But he could also see the genuine love Steve had for you in his eyes as he spoke.  
**********

“Morning” you called out as you walked towards Steve and Bucky. You kissed Bucky on the top of his head. Something you had been doing for a while now and repeated the gesture with Steve, but also wrapping your arms around his shoulders from behind. “Glad you're home” You had noticed that they both became quiet when you walked in, you hoped they hadn't noticed you listening in. The silence was broken with a chuckle from Bucky. You looked over your shoulder at him from your spot at the coffee pot.  
“Nice pj's”  
You looked down and realised you were wearing Iron Man pj's. You joined them at the table.  
“They were all out of Winter Soldier ones”  
Bucky shook his head while Steve chuckled into his cup. 

“What's on the agenda today then?” You asked  
“Tony wants to speak to me and Buck about some tests he wants to carry out”  
You noticed that Bucky kept his head low. This was something he wasn't comfortable with. You reached over and touched his hand, his eyes shot up to yours.  
“I'm sure it'll be fine”  
He gave you a sad smile as he turned his hand to squeeze yours.

You reluctantly let go as you stood up to leave.  
“I need to get that intel back Hill. I got distracted last night and never got it finished.” You smiled at Bucky who smiled back. “You know where I'll be if you need me”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF anyone is still reading this, I hope you're still enjoying it.
> 
> Warning of some unwelcome attention and touching in this chapter.
> 
> Feedback always welcomed

After several hours you had finally gotten your report sent off to Hill. You stomach rumbled so you made your way to the kitchen. Steve was sitting there with his head in his hands and a cup of coffee in front of him.

You came up behind him, placed your hands on his shoulders and kissed his head. You kept your hands where they were and rubbed his shoulders. He placed a hand over yours and squeezed lightly. 

“He’s going to be fine” You said into his hair.

“I know. I just.”

“Steve” you cut him off. “Don’t. Just don’t ok” You kissed his head again before moving to make a coffee and find something to eat.

Steve turned in his chair to watch you as you moved about the kitchen. 

__ ****Flashback****  
_  
_ __ “I am not going out there like this” You pouted at Natasha’s reflection in the mirror you were sitting in front of. “I look stupid” Natasha glared at you. “Well the hair is lovely, but the rest. It. It isn’t me” You tried not to let your voice betray how defeated you felt.

_ “Y/N. Do you trust me?” _

_ “No” _

_ “Y/N!” She motioned for you to get up. She moved you to stand in front of the full length mirror in your room. You smoothed out the bottom half of your dress. It was a dark navy blue, 40s style evening dress. Natasha had curled and pinned your hair up and helped with the makeup to match the style.  _

_ “You look beautiful. You need to see it. Everyone else will. Now move” She playfully smacked your backside before pushing you out the door. _

_ Tony had decided to throw a party, he never needed a reason, if the mood took him, he just did it. And this was one of those moods. Everyone was already in the larger living area, drinks were flowing, music was playing and everyone was in high spirits.  _

_ All the gang was in attendance, Thor and Steve were joking and chatting with some of the older guests, Sam and Clint were playing pool, Bruce and Tony were in discussions with some politician looking types and Nat took center stage by the bar, unfortunately leaving you standing in the entranceway. Thankfully no one had even noticed you come in and you preferred it that way. _

_ You were making your way over to the bar when you felt eyes on you. You look around and saw Steve smiling right at you. You gave him a slight smile in return and ducked your head moving faster to your destination. _

_ You hopped up on the stool furthest in the corner in the hope that you would just blend into the background and be left in peace. No such luck.  _

_ “You look like you could use this”  _

_ A drink was placed in front of by someone you didn't know. Your senses immediately went into high alert. You accepted the drink, but didn't touch it.  _

_ “Sorry, do I know you?” You gave him the sweetest fake smile you could. _

_ He held out his hand to you “Name's Damien.” _

_ You took his hand and he brought it up to his lips. You tried to hide the shiver that ran through you with this action. His hair was slicked back and his cologne was heavy. There was something really wrong about this guy and it was making your stomach turn. As he talked to you he moved in closer and closer and his hand moved up and up your leg towards your waist. You were pretty much backed into a corner. You told him, through gritted teeth to remove his hand, but that only  seemed to make him increase his hold. You could feel your heart rate increasing as you felt a wave of nausea and panic rush over you. _

_ “Y/N? There you are. I wondered where you went to” _

_ You looked past Damien to see Steve standing behind him. It was as if he had read your mind and felt your panic. Damien turned to see who had dared to interrupt him and froze when he saw it was Steve Rogers. Steve nodded in acknowledgment to him and extended his hand out to you. _

_ “If you'll excuse us sir” _

_ You took his hand as you hopped down from the bar stool, avoiding eye contact as you slipped passed him. _

_ Steve placed his arm round your waist and led you to a quieter corner near some people dancing. He wrapped his arms round you as you placed your head on his shoulder and held you until you stopped shaking.  _

_ “You ok?” He asked as he tilted your head up to look at him. You simply smiled and nodded. _

_ He took your hand as he began to slowly sway to the music. You placed your free hand on his shoulder.  _

_ “You look beautiful” _

_ You lifted your head to look at him, “Thank you” _

_ You maintained eye contact. Steve's eyes moving from your eyes to your lips and back. He dipped his head slightly so his lips ghosted over yours. You closed your eyes as his lips slowly and gently made contact with yours. _

_ ********** _

As you took a seat next Steve, he took your face in his hands and placed a quick, but soft kiss on your lips. 

“What was that for?” you asked, slightly confused.

“Do I need a reason?”

“Umm. Yeah”

He simply smiled before getting up and leaving you sitting there with look of confusion.  

You had been dozing on and off on one of the larger couches, the TV quietly keeping you company. You hadn’t heard anyone coming in until you heard kitchen cupboards being opened and closed a little more aggressively than was necessary. You poked your head over the top of the couch to see Bucky. His hair was a mess and he seemed to be mumbling something. You could only guess he was looking for pain pills. Not that he needed them, what with the super soldier serum, but it just seemed like a normal thing to do.

“Far left cupboard, top shelf” You called over as you laid back down. You listened to the cupboard opening and the rattling of packets.

“Thanks” His voice was closer than you had expected resulting in you getting a fright when he spoke. 

You looked up to see him smiling down at you. You moved from your comfortable lying down position to sit up, making room for him to sit next to you. But instead he sat on the floor, between your legs with his back resting against the couch. This had become a silent request of his over time. Whenever you two were alone and his head was bothering him, he would move to sit between your legs silently asking you to help ease the pain. He was like a small puppy seeking comfort and who were you to deny.

You hadn’t heard anyone come into the room until Sam placed a small vase of flowers down on the table in front of Bucky. You stifled a laugh. 

You noticed Steve lingering over by the kitchen, he was looking at you with a look that you hadn’t seen on him before. You couldn’t quite place it, but it looked like he was almost jealous.


	6. Chapter 6

You were standing in your room, clothes all over the bed, wardrobe wide open. Feeling frustrated and somewhat deflated. You sank to the floor, sitting with your back to your bed, your head in your hands. A knock on your bedroom door had you sighing in frustration and rubbing your hand over your face. 

“Come in” You called, not bothering to get up from the floor.

“Hey y/n, I haven't seen you all day and....” Steve's words cut off when he saw you sitting on the floor and the current state of your room. 

He joined you on the floor. Your shoulders touching. He bumped you slightly to get you to look at him. You turned your head fixing on a small smile, hoping he wouldn't notice the tears threatening.

“So, you wanna tell me why you're on the floor with all your clothes lying around?”

Your smile disappeared.

“Date night”

Steve let out a small laugh. “That explains it”

“I should just cancel. I'm gonna cancel.” You stood to search for your phone. “I gotta cancel. Where's my phone? I have to cancel”

You voice and movements were becoming faster and a little erratic. You could feel yourself tearing up and voice cracking as you kept repeating about cancelling.

Steve stood, walked up to you and turned you to look at him. He held your face in his hands and swiped a stray tear away with his thumb. “You are not going to cancel.”

You tried to squirm away. “I don't know what I'm doing. I've never been on a date. I don't know what to wear. I don't know where we're going. This is going to be a disaster. I'll just fucked it up and he's going to realise his mistake and never talk to me again.” You finally breathed. 

“Sit” Steve commanded and you sat on the edge of the bed. You watched Steve pull out his phone and call someone. “Hey. Quick question. Where are you taking y/n tonight? Ok. Perfect. No. No. Everything's fine. I'll explain later. Bye” He hung up and crouched so he was eye level with you. “You're going to the movies. So.” He stood back up and surveyed the clothes on the bed. He moved a few items around until he found what he was looking for. He handed you a pair of black flared jeans and a t-shirt he knew was one of your favourites.

You stared down at the clothes. “What am I doing Steve?”

Steve sat down next to you placing his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him. “It’s going to be fine. You just need to stop overthinking.”

“But what if…”

Steve stopped you by placing his hand over your mouth. 

“There's no ‘what if’. Bucky will be the perfect gentleman. You'll be your adorable self and you'll both have a great night.”

He removed his hand from your mouth, holding you head in place with his finger under your chin.

“Why are you so nervous about this? It's not like you don't know the guy and you have already made out with him” He smirked as the last sentence left his lips.

Your cheeks began to glow as you moved your head away from him. You tried to give him your best glare. “I'm not adorable”

Steve just laughed as you pouted. “Seriously, what are you so worried about? It's not like you're complete strangers.” He chuckled “You have this little, weird silent communication thing going on. I'm actually beginning to think you know him better than me.”

“You're starting to sound jealous.” You laughed softly as you stood up from the bed. When he didn't respond you turned to look at him. “Steve?”

“Get changed. Your date will be here soon”

You stepped into your bathroom, leaving the door open just a bit so you could hear if Steve did a runner before talking to you. 

You quickly applied a small amount of makeup and tousled your hair a bit. When you opened the bathroom door, Steve was standing by your desk looking at the photos you had dotted around.

“That was fun day” He said holding a small frame photo. 

You came and stood a little behind him so you could see what photo he was referring to. You placed a hand on his shoulder 

“That really was a fun day. 

Steve turned to face you and pulled you in for  hug. There was no denying that you didn't enjoy hugs from Steve. He was big, broad, warm and yet felt soft. He didn't hug many people so you thought yourself very lucky that you were one of the few.

You pulled back a little to look at him. Your arms still round his waist. He moved his hands to cup your face. Your eyes were locked and your heart was, well your heart was beating steady and you felt calm. Steve closed the small amount of space between you both, bringing his lips to yours. He pressed his body closer to yours as his tongue swiped over your bottom lip. 

You moaned softly as your hands moved up into his hair. 

You broke for breath just as the knocking on the door started. 

You stood, still with your arms round each other. Another knock at your door made you jump back out of his arms. 

You straightened yourself up before opening the door. 

Bucky stood on the opposite side. He gave you a nervous smile before producing a small bouquet of wildflowers from behind his back. 

You motioned for him to come into your room so you could place them in water. 

“Hey Steve” He nodded in acknowledgment “I didn't expect to see you here”

You froze, looking between the two. 

“I just came to check up on y/n. I knew she'd be worrying about tonight.”

Bucky looked between the two of you, you felt like he could read your mind. That he knew what you had been doing.  “Worrying?” He cocked his head to side slightly, concern drawing on his face. 

“Worrying is the wrong word” You smiled back. “Just me being me and, well. Shall we just go before you change your mind?”

“Why would I change my mind?”

Steve chuckled “Will you two just get going already.”

You followed Bucky down the hall to the lift to the garage. As the doors closed you saw Steve standing in the hall watching you leave. A small smile playing on his lips. 

 

_ ****Flashback**** _

_ “Y/N? Are you wearing? Is that Cap’s shield?” _

_ You burst out laughing. Cap’s helmet sitting slightly too low for you to see clearly. _

_ “I can't see a fucking thing” You laughed as you tried to walk into the living area _

_ “Why are you wearing it? Not that it isn't ridiculously funny, but why?” Nat questioned you through laughter. _

_ You tilted your head back slightly so you could see her, causing more laughter.  _

_ “I was a bit bored and this was just lying around” _

_ Nat took her phone out her pocket. “Strike your best Captain America pose” _

_ Between fits of giggles, Nat took several photos.  _

_ “Oh my God! My head is sweating so much in this thing” You pulled the helmet off and placed it on the table. “How does he keep his hair looking so good in that?” _

_ “A really good hair gel” _

_ Your laughter stopped and you froze in place, a look of panic washed over your face causing Nat to burst out laughing again. _

_ You slowly turned to face Steve, all ready with your apologies, you were taken off guard however when you saw how he was trying to contain his own laughter.  _

_ You felt your cheeks burning. Steve caught you. You looked to the floor, to Nat, everywhere but at Steve. _

_ “Quick Steve. Can in beside y/n. I need more photos” Nat was smirking at you.  _

_ Steve came and stood slightly behind you, wrapping his hands round your waist. He beamed down at you and you could only smile back. Feeling less embarrassed.   _

_ “You look like a couple going to the prom” Nat called out in between snapping pics.  _

_ The comment leading you and Steve to strike some various poses.  _

_ “These are so getting shared with the team” Nat called as she left you and Steve alone in the living area, but not without taking a few selfies with you both.  _

_ “Steve. I'm sorry” You said as you sat on the opposite end of the couch. _

_ “It's ok. It was pretty funny. And you looked kinda cute in the helmet” _

_ You felt the tips of your ears burning. You  stood a little too quickly. “I'm. Ummm. I'm just gonna.” _

_ “Hey. Wait.” Steve grabbed your wrist. “I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Please stay. We can watch a movie. Your choice” He was giving you his best puppy dog expression. It was very hard to say no to it and he knew that. _

_ ********** _


	7. Chapter 7

“You look lovely” Bucky stated as you both climbed into the car.

“Thank you.” You ducked your head shyly. “Is that a new shirt?”

Bucky looked down at himself before starting the engine and pulling out of the garage “I had to borrow one from Steve. I should really buy some of my own”

“I'll go shopping with you. I mean. If you want. We could make a day of it.” You looked down at your lap. “I mean. If you want. You don't have to.” Your nerves were making you ramble again. 

Bucky glance at you with a smile “I'd like that”

The short car ride into the city was silent, but comfortable. Bucky kept stealing quick glances at you sitting next to him. He smiled as he watched you look at the window, tap your feet and generally fidget. His smile grew when he caught you sneaking glances at him.

Bucky took ahold of your hand as you walked to the small cinema. He found this one by accident. He didn't really want to be seen in public for fear that someone somewhere could still be hunting him, but he really wanted to take you out somewhere.   
He knew you loved films and it was just lucky that this particular place was showing the latest offering from one of your favourite actors. 

Bucky went to buy the tickets while you offered to get popcorn. There was no way you were going to the movies without popcorn.   
As you were waiting you overheard one of the staff members talking to the other.

“OMG! You should see the guy who was just at the ticket booth. OMG! He's like a cool, tall drink of water. I'd lap him up all day and then some. He looks like walking sex”

You smirked at the description as it sounded like they were talking about someone you knew. 

A heavy weight snaked around your waist as you were about to pay. The cashier beamed brightly at Bucky, not even glancing your way as you tried to hand her money. She just held her hand out for you to place it in. You wanted to be annoyed but you didn't want anything to spoil your night. 

Bucky kept his arm around you as you walked into the cinema. The place was pretty empty so you had your choice of seats.   
Bucky took your hand to direct you to the back row. You quirked your eyebrow at him.

“What? The back row is always the best place to sit” 

As the film went on you found yourself leaning more into his side. His hand slowly stroking the top of your arm. Your head resting on his shoulder. Little kisses being planted in your hair. It was all sweet and innocent enough until you playfully nipped at Bucky's finger as he fed you a bit of popcorn.  
He cocked his eyebrow in an “Oh really” kind of way. You smirked and took some more popcorn, turning your attention back to the film. 

Bucky on the other hand kept his attention on you. He had suddenly lost interest in the film and wanted nothing more than to kiss you. He was trying so hard to be the perfect gentleman, but he kept thinking about that night in your room. He knew you wanted to take things slow, he respected that, but he wanted you. Wanted you I every way possible. 

“Fuck it” He whispered more to himself than anyone else as he placed a hand on your cheek to turn you to face him, allowing him the access he desired to your lips. 

You moaned into the kiss, forgetting you were in a public place. 

“You wanna get out of here?” 

You simply nodded.

There was thick tension in the car, not an uncomfortable one, but a tension all the same. No words were spoken, but glances were exchanged.   
When you reached the compound, Bucky took your hand and lead you straight up to your room. Once inside and the door was locked, he grabbed your face in his hands and kissed you. It was slow deep. You could feel yourself just melting, as if you had no bones in your body. He pulled you closer to him, you could feel his arousal through his jeans. You were thankful that the only light in the room was coming from the moonlight shining through your window. 

You were the first one to pull back slightly. Your foreheads against each other. Lips swollen and breath heavy.

“I've been wanting to do that since I came to your room tonight” 

Bucky's voice was low and husky. It sent shivers through your spine. 

“I've been wanting you to do that since the day I met you. Oh wait! You already did” Your own voice low.

Bucky smiled before pressing a soft kiss to your lips.   
“You know I would love nothing more than to throw you on that bed, and have you screaming my name all night. But. I'm a gentleman and I want to do things right by you. I respect you and I want to treat you right.”

You felt tears sting at your eyes. You placed your hands on his cheeks and brought his lips to yours. The kiss started off slow and sweet, but soon became heated and passionate.   
You moved your hands into his hair as his moved to the back of your neck and the small of your back, pulling you as close as you could get with clothes on.  
A wave of confidence washed over you with Bucky's words. You gently pushed him backwards towards your bed, pushing a little harder to make him fall backwards.   
He propped himself up on his elbows to look at you, a smile gracing his luscious lips. You were thankful there was little light in the room. You lifted your t-shirt over your head and threw it at Bucky. He chuckled as he got it in one swift movement. You fought the urge to cover yourself, you wanted to at least look like you knew what you were doing, but you felt clueless.

You had no idea how to seduce someone, how to be sexy, but the way Bucky was looking at you spark some confidence deep down. He moved towards the edge of the bed and pulled you towards him so you were standing between his legs. He ran his fingertips over your waist, your ribs and up to your breasts. Your skin breaking out in goosebumps under his touch. You brought your hands into his hair and played with it a little.

In a sweet and somewhat intimate move, he moved his hands round to the small of your back bringing you as close as possible. He placed a small kiss on your stomach and just held you. Resting his head there and taking deep controlled breaths. You stilled your fingers in his hair and held him in place. The only sound that could be heard was your breathing. You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, but it felt like it wasn't long enough when he lifted his head to look at you.   
“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For taking a chance on me. For trusting me.”

You placed your hand on his cheek and he leaned into the touch closing his eyes. 

“I should be the one thanking you”

He raised an eyebrow, questioning you.

“For even looking at me. For taking the time to talk to me, for wanting to spend any time with me. I'm so thankful and grateful and now I realise I sound incredibly pathetic and I'm standing here in my bra. Ok. Not embarrassing at all” you shook your head while chuckling lightly.

Bucky stood and pulled you close to him. Kissing the top of your head while his fingers drew tiny patterns along the small of your back and waist.

“I like this look. I'd have you dressed like this all day if I could”

You buried your head further into his chest. 

“I wanna tell you something y/n”


	8. Chapter 8

You lifted your head so you could look at him. He moved his hands to stroke your hair.

“If we're going to talk, can I at least put my top back on? Starting to feel a bit self conscious here”

Bucky smirked before pushing you away slightly so he could remove his own shirt. He made a show of slowly unbuttoning it keeping his eyes locked on you as he did. You could feel your face getting hotter the longer he looked at you. You had to lower your eyes to the ground as you raised your arms to cover yourself.

Bucky placed his shirt round your shoulders and you pulled it on properly. You couldn't help inhaling his scent as it enveloped you,

Bucky smiled as he watched you.

“Ok. Sit down and please just listen. Let me get this out. You can argue with me afterwards” He chuckled as he motioned for you to sit on the end of the bed.

You watched as he pulled your desk chair over so he could sit in front of you. You watched as he ran his hands nervously through his hair taking a deep breath before he began talking.

“Y/N. I want you to know that. Well. First off. This all sounded easier in my head. Why do I feel like a teenager when I'm around you.”

He chuckled, causing you to let out a nervous laugh.

“I knew what I wanted to say then you took your top off and all sensible thought seemed to vanish.”

He took another deep breath and ran his hand through his hair a couple more times.

“Ok. Look. I like you. Like really like you. I have done for a while now. You're funny, smart, beautiful, kind. You do so much to help me and you've never looked at me like you're sorry for me or even scared of me. You know everything I've done and not once turned away. And I thank you for that.”

He moved off the chair to sit next you. Both of you moving to face each other. He took his hands in yours.

“I guess I'm going the really long way round to saying that I want us to be together.”

“Like boyfriend girlfriend?”

Bucky smiled and in an instance he looked so young. His eyes seemed to sparkle.

“Yes y/n. Like boyfriend girlfriend. So what do you say? Wanna be my best girl?”

“I don't know. I heard you had a bit of a reputation. That you like to take girls dancing”

“The only girl I wanna be dancing with from now on is sitting right in front of me”

“Well in that case. And since you asked so nicely.”

You brought your lips to his in a silent answer. Bucky pulled back with a smirk on his face.

“I only have one request. No more kissing Steve.”

Your face paled and your heart rate picked up. You began to stutter out what seemed like a half assed response.

“Hey. It's ok. I know you kissed just before I came to your room. I could see it on him. I know there was something between you before I ever came here. But the punk had his chance.”

You felt confused. You didn't think he'd be so calm about it. You felt guilty. All you could do was stare at him.

“So now that I've talked more than I think I've ever talked in my life, you wanna say something. Anything?”

Before your brain could register and control your mouth you spoke.

“I think I'm in love with you”

Bucky smiled one of the sweetest smiles you had ever seen before attaching his lips to yours. Bucky broke the kiss first. Slowly standing from the bed.

“I should probably leave before this goes too far.”

“Stay”

“I want to. I really do, but”

You stood up to face him, brushing his hair from his face.

“If you're worried about the nightmares, then I'll be right here. And if you're worried that other things might happen, then they happen”

“Are you sure about this? That you want me to stay in your room. In your bed. Where I will most definitely kiss you and touch you and hold you close and maybe eventually sleep”

You chuckled. Pulling his head towards yours so your lips were a hair's width apart.

“Yes”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut, sexy times, unprotected sex, (wear condoms kids) and swearing in this chapter

Bucky came back into your room having changed into his sleep wear and giving you some privacy to get yourself ready. 

You were already lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. You hadn't even heard him come back into the room. You felt the bed dip slightly and you turned onto your side to face him. 

“Hi”

You hoped your voice didn't betray how nervous you felt. This was so new to you. You didn't know what to say or do. You really hoped Bucky would take the lead.  He inched towards you, closing the distance.  You lay on your sides in the middle of the bed  facing each other. Bodies close, legs entwined. Bucky was raised up on his elbow looking at you as he drew lazy patterns on your arm.

“You don't have to be nervous you know?” 

He said softly as he placed small kisses on your face. 

“I'm trying not to be, but you're so. So you.”

Bucky laughed at your statement. 

“What's that suppose to mean? I'm so me?”

You bit your lower lip before you buried your face in the pillow.

“I don't know what I'm doing.”

“I think I heard that, but could you say it again without a mouthful of pillow”

You turned your head slightly so you could see him with one eye. His smile was airing on the cheeky side causing you to turn your head back into the pillow and letting out a groan.

“If you're making those noises without me touching you, imagine what it's like when I do this”

He started kissing your shoulder, slowly making his way to your neck. You adjusted yourself allowing him more access. His lips felt good. His hand smoothing up and down your back. You turned to face him once again granting full access to your mouth.

You kissed, slow and lazy at first, allowing him to take the lead and guide you. Thankfully he didn't need to be told this. The hand he wasn't leaning on played with the hem of your shirt, his fingertips grazing your bare skin. You giggled a little as his fingers stroked up your side. His breath hitched when he realised you weren't wearing a bra. His thumb rubbing over your nipple causing you to moan into his kiss.

Your hands moved from his hair, slowly down his chest, tentatively along the waistband of his shorts, where you stopped, unsure of how to continue.

Bucky took your hand in his and dipped it under his shorts allowing you to wrap your fingers around him. He guided you for a brief moment before swiftly returning his own hand back under your shirt to your breast.  You wrapped you hand a little tighter around him and cautiously began stroking.   
  
"Aaahhhhh fuck" he breathed into your mouth, you concerns that you were doing something wrong were soon dismissed with the noises coming from the back of his throat.    


He gently cupped you and ran his thumb over your nipple. You moaned and lightly bit his bottom lip. He slowly moved his hand down your body making you shiver. Continuing down until he was inside your pj pants cupping your core with his hand. You stilled your hand on him as you looked at each other. He was silently asking if he could continue. You couldn't speak, you simply started pumping your fist around him again and kissed him. He took that as your permission to carry on. He slowly, almost teasingly, dipped his hand under your panties sliding one finger up and down your folds. You whimpered at the sensation.   
  
"So fucking wet already"

He nipped at your earlobe. You removed your hand from his cock and laced it into his hair as he began circling his finger over your clit.   You groaned and moaned into his mouth. Tugging on his hair. He kissed from your lips to along your jawline, down by your ear and along your neck until he found that sensitive little spot. He knew he had it when you shivered against him. He smiled onto your skin at your reaction. 

“Your shirt is in the way” 

His voice had a slight hint of frustration.

“Get rid of it then”

He reluctantly removed his hand from your sweet centre to lean up on his knees. You moved onto your back as he took hold of the hem of of your shirt, you were about to raise your arms to help him get it off when you heard a ripping sound. He looked at you with a stupid grin, to which you just shook your head.

“That was one of my favourites” 

“I’ll buy you another” 

He stated before attacking your now exposed breasts with his mouth as he sunk his finger back into you drawing delicious circles.  Your breathing was becoming heavier, coming out in short pants. He continued licking and sucking on your breasts as his finger picked up the pace.  
  
"Oh. Oh. F-f-fuck" 

Your back arching from the bed as you came.  He smiled against your skin as you twitched under him as he moved to hover above you.  You opened your eyes to look up at him. He was smiling down at you. His icy blues seemed to sparkle.   
  
"Umm. Condoms?"  
  
"Pill"  
  
His smile widened before he crashed his lips to yours. Your tongues danced as he lined himself up with your entrance and slowly inched himself inside.  You hissed and dug your nails into his back as he stretched you. He froze as he allowed you to adjust. You nodded giving him the permission he needed.  He started off slow and gentle. The sensation so new to you, that all your senses seemed heightened.  Bucky lifted your leg slightly and the new angle caused you to moan.   
  
"F-f-fuck"  
  
You were gripping onto his biceps for dear life as his thrusts sped up. You could feel a tightening low in you belly. He brought a hand between you and started to rub your clit. Soon you were arching into him and screaming his name as wave after wave of pleasure consumed you.  Bucky buried his face in your neck, biting down as he found his own release.    
  
He stayed where he was, on top of you, holding his weight on his elbows as he placed sweet kisses on your lips and neck. 

“You ok?”

“Yeah. That was. My God that was amazing”

He stroked your cheek.

“Just give me a couple of minutes and I'll be good for round two”

He smirked down at you as your eyes widened causing him to chuckle.  He got up to go to the bathroom, returning with a warm, wet cloth. He gently cleaned you, the sensation causing an involuntary moan to slip from your lips. He threw the cloth towards the bathroom as he kissed the inside of your thighs.

“Bucky”

Your voice was breathy. He really wanted to bury his face right between your legs and have you screaming his name some more, instead he trailed kisses all the way up your body.  He rolled to your side and pulled you into him, your back to his chest. As he moved you he spotted your tattoo. A small piece of writing in a simple black font that brought a lump to his throat and a tear to his eye.

_ I'm with you ‘til the end of the line _

He placed a soft kiss on the words as pulled you tighter into him burying his head into you.  He listened to your breathing and smiled to himself. He felt happy, relaxed. He smiled remembering when you first met.  The way you said his name, 'Bucky', when you first met and how you weren't fazed with him. How your eyes lit up when Steve introduced you both. The way you looked so happy for Steve.   
  
He slipped out of the bed and walked over to window. You didn't have a few over the city, but you could see over the small lake that was there. It was nice view, relaxing and calming.

He turned to the small desk and looked at some of the pictures sitting there. One that grabbed his attention was of Steve with a girl in a dress like the ones he remembered the girls of his day wearing. He could have sworn it was a picture of Steve and Peggy Carter, but the closer he looked, he realised it was you. He couldn’t believe how different you looked. He liked it, liked it very much and would ask you about it in the morning, and also if you still had the dress, but he really preferred seeing you in your jeans and tshirt.   
There were other pictures of you and the others in different poses. One that made him chuckle was of you wearing Steve's Captain America mask, holding his shield, with Steve laughing in the background. But it was a picture, not in a frame, slightly hidden under a notebook that piqued his interest.   
It was a small black and white picture of him. He wasn't looking at the camera, he was smiling as if he was laughing at something. The more he looked at it, the more he remembered when it was taken.   
  
_ *****Flashback****** _ _   
_

_ "Steve said you'd help me with this"  _

_ Bucky walked in the room holding a mobile phone out to you.  _ __   
__ You were sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. You took the phone and gestured to him to sit down. He sat down next to you, shuffling the seat closer so he could see what you were doing.  
_   
_ __ "Ok. So what's the problem?" 

__ You asked as you unlocked the phone.  
__   
__ "I don't get this message thing"  
__   
__ You smiled as you opened his messages. You saw quite a few unanswered texts sitting on the phone.  
_   
_ __ "So. Is it replying to messages that you don't get?" He simply nodded. "Right. I'm going to send you a message and I'll show you how to reply ok?"

__ You picked up your own phone and typed a simple message to his number. He watched the screen intently waiting for it to appear on his phone.  
__   
_ "Oohhh! There is it!"  _ __ He pointed to the screen.  
__   
_ You took your time showing him how to open the message and how to reply. You did it a few times until he said he was happy with how that worked.  _ _ You explained what the little pictures were that Tony seemed to revel in sending him, and showed him better ones he could send back in reply.  _ _ You showed him how the camera worked and laughed in his genuine astonishment at seeing the images instantly.  _ __ You sat there for hours going over things, making sure he understood and that he was happy.   
__   
_ ********** _ __   
  
Bucky ran his thumb over the photo. Remembering how patient you'd been with him. How willing you were to help him. How you didn't make fun of the fact that he basically knew nothing of the present day.  He looked over at your sleeping form and knew he had fallen hard.  He climbed back into the bed and cuddled up as close as possible to you.

You were woken up the next morning by a soft snore in your ear. You reluctantly opened your eyes, squinting in the morning light and turned your head slightly to see Bucky. His hair over his face, lips parted slightly and his metal arm lying across your stomach. You turned onto your side, your back to him,  bringing your own arm down to his, entwining your fingers together.  The movement causing him to tighten his arm across you and pull you closer using his leg.  He nuzzled into your neck sucking, licking and kissing the exposed skin causing you to giggle. The feel of his morning wood on your backside causing you to moan.  He slowly moved his hand down towards your slightly aching pussy but stopped just as his fingers grazed your hair.   Although it took you a moment, you realised that he was unsure about touching you so intimately with his metal fingers. You placed your hand over his and guided him to where you wanted him.  The feeling wasn't much different from when he used his other hand, but it was perhaps more the thought that soon had you writhing into him. You reached behind you to his hair, tangling your fingers in it. He continued kissing and sucking on your neck making sure he'd leave a mark for all to see.  As he felt you tighten around his fingers, he pulled them away. You whimpered at the loss. He lifted your thigh over his hip and pushed into you. He gently rocked into you, just small thrusts, mindful that last night had been your first time, while his fingers returned to your pussy.

“Bucky. Please move faster. I need you to move faster. And harder”

He didn't need to be asked twice. He had you tightening around him and milking him as he spilled his seed deep inside you. Moaning your name between cuss words.  You turned in his arms so you could kiss him. 

“Morning”

“Morning beautiful. 

You opened your mouth to speak when a knock at your door interrupted you.

“Buck! Training in 10 minutes”


	10. Chapter 10

“You seem a little distracted this morning Buck”

“I'm trying to figure out the best way to tell my best friend to keep his lips off my girl”

The words took Steve a little by surprise and he dropped his guard taking the punch full to the face. He stumbled back a little. Bucky took the couple of steps needed to be standing right in front of him.

Steve stood up straight so he could Bucky directly in the eyes.

“Buck I.”

Bucky held his hand up to stop him.

“Look Steve. You're my oldest and dearest friend. You're my brother. I know you still have feelings for y/n, and I would really, really appreciate it if you backed off”

Steve stood staring at Bucky, wide eyed, mouth open. Bucky looked at the floor while he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I'm not saying you can't still be friends. You're her best friend for fuck sake. But Steve, I really, really like y/n, Hell I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her.”

Steve couldn't help smiling at his friend's words. All he wanted was his friends to be happy. Whatever he felt for y/n was something he had to figure out and deal with himself. He reached out and pulled Bucky in for a hug.

“So we're good then”

“Of course Buck. We're good”

"Punk"

"Jerk"

You eventually made your way into the kitchen to start breakfast for everyone after enjoying a semi-lazy morning. No one needed to know that you spent a good part of your morning snuggled up in your bed soaking up the scent of Bucky on your sheets.

You turned up your music as you shimmied and swayed around the kitchen. You were soon joined by Clint and Nat. Clint eyeing you suspiciously over the top of his coffee mug while Nat sat at the table smirking. You knew they had something they wanted to say but you concentrated on not burning the bacon in front of you.

“You two got something you want to say?” You asked while keeping your back to them.

“Absolutely nothing” Nat replied. You could clearly hear the smile in her voice.

“I'm guessing your date went well?” Clint asked “And judging by the spring in your step and the ‘just had a great fuck’ glow. I'd say that your cherry got well and truly popped”

You choked on your coffee at his words. Clint and Nat both gave a little cheer. Clint stepping over to you and grabbing you to dance to the song playing. You eventually stopped when the smell of burning became obvious. You untangled yourself from Clint to save to bacon from near cremation.

“OK. So spill y/n” Nat leaned into you while popping a slice of bacon into her mouth.

“I'm not telling you anything. There are some things I would like to keep private thank you very much”

“Awww our little y/n is growing up. She's not a little girl anymore.” Clint teased pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

“She's a woman now Clint. Our baby is no more”

“Will you two give it a rest” you laughed as you shoved Clint playfully and threw a cloth at Nat.

“How do you feel?” Nat asked with a little more concern in her voice.

“Umm. Strange question but I feel fine. Am I meant to feel different?”

They both smiled at you, Clint placing his hand on your shoulder.

“No sweetheart. I guess not”

“I want to know what it was like”

“Nat!?”

“What? You just lost your virginity to the Winter Soldier. I want details”

You groaned burying your head into your hands. “It wasn't the Winter Soldier. It was Bucky.” Your voice slightly muffled by your hands.

“Is he vocal? You know, is he a talker or does he just grunt and groan?”

“What kind of question is that? I'm not answering any of these” You stood to refresh your coffee.

“We'll just ask Steve. His room is on the same floor”

You turned to see the pair of them sitting with their arms crossed and smug little smiles plastered on their faces.

“You will not” You tried to sound like you were giving them an order, but when the terrible twosome got an idea in their heads they didn't like to let it go.

“What will you ask me?” Steve asked as he walked up to the table, Bucky right behind him grabbing a coffee and sitting down next to Nat.

You shot Clint and Nat a warning look. You already felt a little awkward and really didn't need those two making it worse.

“Just wondering if you slept ok last night? That there weren't any strange noises keeping you awake?” Nat turned to face Steve still smirking

Steve took a moment or two to catch on to what they were implying. You stood frozen with your hand covering your eyes.

“I slept fine. Didn't hear a thing” He shot you a small smile.

“What about you Bucky?” Nat turned her attention to the man beside her. “How did you sleep?”

You groaned as you covered your face with the nearest cloth.

“I slept just fine. Having really good sex with a beautiful girl helps”

Clint, Nat and yourself all stared at Bucky with a look of shock, he lifted his cup back up to lips while shooting you a wink. Everyone made their excuses shortly after leaving you and Bucky alone. He walked over to you with a shy smile gracing his beautiful lips.

“Sorry about that I couldn't help it.” He placed both hands on your hips as his lips ghosted over yours for a brief moment before he kissed you. You felt yourself being lifted up onto the counter behind you. Bucky smiling against your lips at the small squeak that escaped your mouth. You wrapped your legs around hips as he pulled as close as possible with clothes on, your fingers tangling in his hair to keep him anchored to you. His hands slipping under your top to stroke at your bare skin. You could feel that it were possible that you were about to get down and dirty in the kitchen.

“Not in the kitchen. Do I have to get the water hose? I don't need to see this.”

Tony cut your moment short. Bucky didn't remove his hands nor did he help you down. He kept you in place smirking at you.

“Barnes. I want you in the lab in 10 minutes.” Tony called over his shoulder as he retreated back out the room. You could have sworn you heard him muttering something about disinfectant or burning the counter.

You made to push Bucky away from you so he could get to the lab and you could start your own work, but her had other ideas. He ducked slightly so he could lay you over his shoulder. You squealed as he playfully smacked your ass before practically running to his room with you.


	11. Chapter 11

A couple of weeks had passed since you and Bucky got together and he had pretty much moved himself into your room. Part of you was still getting used to having someone around so close to you, not just in physical presence but also in an intimate one. Sometimes it was overwhelming and you were scared of your feelings, you just didn't know how or even who you could talk to. The one person who you usually would have gone to had hardly spoken to you in the last couple of weeks.

You knew he was deliberately staying out of your way, but it was starting to upset you and Bucky could tell. Part of him admitted that he felt bad for coming between you but another part of him didn't want you being alone with him incase his lips started going where they shouldn't.

“Just go talk to him”

“And say what? Hey, why have you been avoiding me?”

“Yes”

“I just feel it won't be that simple”

Bucky pulled you into him and placed a kiss into your hair. “I think he misses you”

You sighed heavily “I miss him too”

Bucky pulled away from you so he could look at you. “So go talk to the punk. I could do with some time to catch up on this show you've been going on about. And I don't want any distractions” He kissed you gently before turning you round and playfully smacking your backside out the room.

“He’s in the library by the way” He called out as you headed towards his room making you turn and head to the lift instead.

You took your time walking to the library stopping by Tony’s wine collection to grab a bottle, a no doubt ridiculously expensive one, and a couple of glasses. As you approached the door you suddenly felt nervous, you shook the feeling away as you walked over to the couches in the corner by the floor to ceiling windows. You could hear music playing softly in the background as the small artificial fire gave the corner a warm glow. You knew he heard you as you saw him straighten up slightly in his seat. He turned his head a little to watch you as you moved towards him. A shy smile graced his soft lips as he took the bottle from you to open it as you sat beside him, before pouring two glasses.

“Been awhile since we did this” Steve remarked as he handed you a glass.

“Been awhile since you last spoke to me” You kept your eyes on him as you brought the glass to your lips.

“I'm sorry, I just. Well I just wanted to give you and Buck time together. I didn't want to get in the way.”

“I think that's bullshit. You've been avoiding me Steve.”

“I’ve not been avoiding you y/n. I’ve been busy that’s all”

You took a long sip from your drink eyeing Steve over your glass as he deliberately avoided looking at you. You knew you weren’t going to get anywhere with this, he wouldn’t give you an honest answer and you would just keep going round in circles.

You placed your glass back on the table and scooted a little closer to him placing a hand on his knee.

“I’ve missed you you know. You’re my best friend and I want you back. I’ve missed these nighttime chats. I've missed the texts you send about things you're watching or doing. I just miss you being around.”

When Steve looked at you, he could see the tears pooling in your eyes and the guilt he felt about avoiding you washed over him. He pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you. He kissed your head muttering an ‘I'm sorry’ into your hair while you let your tears fall.

After a few moments of sitting wrapped in his arms, you both manoeuvred yourself into a more comfortable position. Steve had swung his legs up onto the couch and you were now lying between them, your back to his chest. As position you were both familiar and comfortable with as you had spent many a night like this. Talking about anything and everything until you could watch the sunrise.

_****Flashback****_

_“Trouble sleeping?” Your voice quieter than usual as you walked towards him._

_Steve turned from looking out of the window and moved to meet you halfway. His hair was dishevelled from him running his hands through it and his eyes didn't look as bright as usual. It almost looked like he had been crying. You reached up and ran your hand through his hair before cupping his cheek._

_“You want to talk about it?”_

_He shook his head and pulled you tight towards him burying his head in the crook of your neck._

_This wasn't the first time you had found Steve like this. Every few nights he would have trouble sleeping and you'd find him in the library after checking with FRIDAY if everything was shut down and switched off. You'd find him by the windows just staring into the darkness allowing the Captain America mask to fall away letting his vulnerability show._

_You cared deeply for Steve and if truth be told you were in love with him, but at this moment he needed a friend. He was, as people said ‘a man out of time’ and you just wanted to be there for him. You wanted him to know that he had a friend, someone he could trust and rely on. You became close and you knew that you could rely on each other. You build up an strong trust and a strong friendship._

_You would lie on the couch together, the large super soldier between your legs with his back to your chest. He would tell you that he often found it easier to talk about what was keeping him awake with you running your fingers through his hair and calming him, soothing him. He once let it slip how much he enjoyed it and actually liked you wrapping your arms around him and making him feel protected for once. You would sit in silence and let him get everything off his chest offering answers and advice when he asked. And then there were times when he didn't want to talk so you would ask him to tell you about his life back “in the day”. You'd ask about his childhood, what life was actually like back then and sometimes, not often, you would ask him about Bucky and Peggy. There were also the times were neither of you would talk and you would just sit together in a comfortable silence. On rare occasions if he had a record playing you would dance, well more like holding each other and swaying together._

_And then there were the nights that he would comfort you when your insecurities took hold and threatened to drag you down into a black abyss._

_You would often be found fast asleep together on the couch by either Nat or Clint, who would tease you both mercilessly the next day._

_********_

“So we're ok now. Me and you?”

“Course we are” Steve kissed the top of your head before refilling the glasses.

“Good. Because I really need your counsel”

You felt Steve tense for a moment. You could picture him rolling his eyes knowing that he really didn't want to talk about what he was sure you were wanting to talk about.

“I'm scared”

“Of what? Bucky?”

“No. Scared about the way I feel about him. I mean. I think I'm in love with him I'm pretty sure I am.”

 You were sure you could feel Steve tense again slightly.

“Have you told him how you feel?”

“Not directly no. I'm scared that it'll be too much for him and he'll dump me?”

Steve chuckled slightly at your words “I don't think he'll dump you y/n”

“How do you know? I mean last time I told someone I loved them they did just that”

“That was different”

“I don't think so. I remember what you said and I don't think this is different. Maybe I'm not the right one for him. Maybe I'm just a means to an end right now. I mean there has to be someone more suitable for him. Like Nat. She would be perfect for him.”

“Y/N. Stop. You're rambling and it's all nonsense. Buck loves you. He's still trying to find himself after everything he's been through so I think he's just as scared as you. He just needs some time. And you need to stop thinking that you aren't good enough. You're pretty perfect for Buck. You just can't see it.”

You could feel the wine making you sleepy so you snuggled in closer to Steve as he spoke. He tightened his hold on you as he felt your body leaning heavier into him.

“He deserves to be happy.” Your voice was heavy with sleep.

“And so do you. Buck is happy can't you see that?”

When you didn't respond he knew you had fallen asleep. He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over you and made himself  bit more comfortable.

With you now being asleep he felt comfortable telling you what was really wrong with him, knowing you wouldn't hear it, but at least saying it out loud would get it off his chest.

He began stroking your hair as he softly spoke. “I wish I had the guts to tell you this to your face but I'm not going to risk losing you. You're too important to me and I honestly need you in my life. I have been avoiding you but you already know that. You know me too well. The thing is, well I am jealous. I'm jealous that Bucky is the one that gets to be with you and I know I had my chance and totally blew it, and that's my fault. But I'm also jealous of the way you two are. We used to have that connection and I feel like we don't anymore and that's probably down to me pushing you and Bucky closer and, I don't know what I'm saying anymore, I'm rambling just like you.” He chuckled a little. “The problem is. MY problem is is that I never stopped loving you.”

He stroked your hair again and kissed your head. He rested his head on yours for a moment as he gave you a little squeeze before settling back and closing his eyes. You were glad that he couldn't see the tears as they fell.

“You found them then” Nat tried to keep her voice quieter as she came to stand beside Bucky.

“Yeah. I didn't really want to disturb them. They look cute.” Bucky answered over his shoulder as he began searching the room.

Nat looked on with slight confusion. “What on earth are you looking for?”

She watched as he walked out the room, returning a few moments later with two pans in his hands. She grinned as she reached for her phone switching the video camera on. She nodded that she was ready when he was.

Bucky started bashing the pans together and yelling. “WAKEY WAKEY. RISE AND SHINE YOU PAIR OF PUNKS”

Your eyes shot open and in the panic and confusion of the noise you fell off the couch taking Steve with you. When you eventually got your senses together you were greeted by a howling and cackling Bucky and Nat. Neither one of them able to speak for laughing. Though the laughter soon changed as Steve started chasing Bucky.


	12. Chapter 12

Steve's words bounced around your head. You wanted to feel angry with him but here you stood under the shower, staring at the tiles in front of you feeling sad. Your mind began to fill with thoughts and images of what might have been. You were pulled from your reverie by the feel of hands on your shoulders followed by slightly chapped lips moving up to your neck.

“Sorry about earlier. Let me make it up to you” Bucky's breath tickled your ear.

He stepped a little closer and you could feel his bare skin next to yours causing you to release a shaky breath. His hands slid down your arms, up across your stomach to your breasts. He gently massaged both while continuing to kiss up and down your neck and shoulder.

“I love the noises you make when I do this.” He moved one of his hand back down your torso, over your stomach until he reached the soft mound of hair. He bit gently at your neck as he slipped a finger along your folds before settling on your clit. “But I love the noises you make when I do this even more”

You reached a hand out to steady yourself while his other arm wrapped round you holding you tight as he worked you up. You reached behind to grab his hair as he brought you closer and closer. His name was mixed with cusses as you came over his hand. He held you tight as you rode out the small tremors that shook your body while continuing to kiss all along your neck and shoulder and you couldn't ignore the feel of his obvious arousal. You turned in his arms bringing your lips to his while you playfully grabbed his bare backside and squeezed both cheeks.

You sunk down to your knees as your hands followed slowly dragging down his torso to rest on his hips. You took him gently in your hand as you licked a line from his base before swirling your tongue round his slightly enlarged tip. You smiled as a dragged out cuss words followed by your name left his pretty pink lips. You kept your fist at his base holding him firmly as you brought him into your mouth, taking his as far as your gag reflex would allow. You felt his hand at the back of your head, grabbing at your hair making it a messy ponytail while he guided your movements. You tired to concentrate on the way he tasted and felt in your mouth instead of the sounds and cuss words emitting from those delicious pink lips of his. You could feel him twitching and you knew he was close. You felt him grabbing your hair tighter as he emptied himself your mouth. You slowed your movements down making sure he was completely spent before slowly getting back to your feet, with a little help. You placed a soft kiss to his cheek before stepping out of the shower to allow him chance to clean up.

You lied back on your bed staring at the ceiling as Steve's words returned to your mind. You could feel tears pricking at your eyes, but you quickly wiped away any trace of them when you heard your bathroom door open. You lifted your head and little to get a better look and instantly regretted it. Bucky stood watching you from the doorway wearing only a towel and a smirk. You let your head drop back down as you groaned louder than you wanted to.

You felt the bed dipping as he moved to straddle you. Water dripping from him onto you.

“Like what you see?”

You playfully pushed at his chest. “Idiot” You laughed.

He leaned forward his lips almost touching yours. “Yeah. But I'm your idiot” He chuckled before kissing you.

You wrapped your arms round his neck as he moved to lie on top of you, his arms at the side of your head to take his weight so he wouldn't crush you. You grabbed fistful of his hair as you deepened the kiss as one of his hands moved down to loosen the towel that was still covering you. As soon as your chest was exposed he moved his lips down your body so he could pay some attention to one of his favourite body parts. His tongue swirled around one nipple while his hand paid attention to the other. Your back arching into him as your feeling of pleasure grew. You moved your own hands down his body to loosen his towel where you found him already semi hard. You took him in hand and slowly pumped in time with his tongue on your breast.

You opened your legs more to bring him closer and in line with you. He pushed inside causing you both to moan.

His movements were slow, a perfect match to his lips against yours. His hand moved to the back of your thigh to lift you slightly and this new angle caused him to practically growl into your mouth. You pulled on his hair and held knew that was a sign that you needed him to move faster. He picked up the pace as he moved his hand between your bodies to rub your clit to help bring you to the release you were so close to. His hand moved to your hair where he grabbed a handful as he came hard and fast inside you.

He was still inside you and you both made no effort to move. You traced patterns on his shoulder as he lay with his head in the crook of your neck planting little kisses on your bare skin.

“What you thinking?” He asked between kisses.

The words were flowing before you had time to register. “How much I love you”

Bucky's head snapped up so he could look at you. You could have sworn you saw panic in his eyes. You waited for him to say something, anything, but you got nothing. You gave him a soft smile as you pushed on his shoulder to get him to move off of you.

You slipped into the bathroom to clean yourself up while telling yourself not to cry. When you stepped back into the room, Bucky was now sitting on the edge of the bed, half dressed with his head in his hands. You wanted to go to him, to hold him, but you were hurting. You knew this would happen. Why did you have to open your mouth? Why did you have to tell him how you felt? You busied yourself with getting ready. Neither of you spoke to each other but you could feel him watching you. Once you were ready you walk over to him, kissed the top of his head and left.

Bucky felt awful. He desperately wanted to say he loved you too but he couldn't. Why couldn't he? He did love you didn’t he?

He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there. He reached for his phone and dialled your number but it just rang out. He cursed himself for being such an idiot before making his way to find Steve. He knew he would help him, well he hoped he could help him.

“Steve. Steve. I need to talk to you.” He called out as he stepped into the living room area. “Steve. I. What the fuck?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't looking good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Descriptions of fighting, abuse, and swearing. Also, my Russian may be wrong in this as I used Google translate so sorry of it's wrong.

“Breaking news is coming in about an explosion downtown at the Stark Industries offices. Reports are still unclear as to the cause of the explosion and we have no confirmed casualties or injuries at the moment.”

Steve stood from his seat, frozen as as he heard the words on the news.

“We can now go live to our correspondent at the scene”

“FRIDAY? Has Tony heard this?”

“He on his way up from the lab Captain Rogers”

“It's understood that this has been a deliberate attack on Stark Industries, the reason is unclear at this stage, but a moment ago we were handed an envelope containing a video message for Tony Stark and Captain America. We warn you that the contents of this video may be disturbing to many viewers”

Steve turned to see Bucky standing behind the couch as Tony came through the doorway into the room.

“What the fuck” Bucky moved closer to the TV as the video began playing.

“What the hell is going on?” Tony asked as he came to stand next to Steve.

The screen went blank before the video began to play. A distorted voice came over the speakers.

“Now that we have your attention Captain America, you have something that belongs to us and we want it back.”

The screen cut to a dimly lit room where several men stood in a semicircle, one of them holding onto someone. The footage was shaky and their faces were all covered.

“FRIDAY! What are the whereabouts of y/n?” Steve asked not taking his eyes off the TV. Bucky snapping his head to his friend as worry grew on his face.

“I can't locate y/n Captain. Her last location was at the scene of the explosion.”

“FRIDAY. Activate her emergency GPS” Tony ordered. Both Steve and Bucky turned to look at him confused. “You think that ring she wears is just a ridiculously expensive token of my affection?”

“I have her location Boss. Sending coordinates to your suit and the quinjet. Barton and Romanoff have been informed and are on their way up. Boss. You aren't going to like what's on that video”

All eyes turned back to the screen at FRIDAY'S words.

“Captain. As I said you have something that belongs to us and we're willing to make a trade.”

One of the men in the video shoved you forward. Your hands were bound behind your back. Your face was starting to bruise and there was blood trickling down from your hairline. Your head was pulled backwards by your hair so your face was clear for the camera.

“We want the Winter Soldier in exchange for your pet. You have one hour. If you don't show there will be more casualties and you'll never see your girl again”

You began to shout at the camera. “Don't do it Steve. It's a.” Before you could finish you were back handed across the face.

The video cut to black before going back to the news report.

The team wasted no time in suiting up and following the coordinates FRIDAY had sent, also informing them that she had hacked into surrounding CCTV and was streaming the footage into the quinjet.

Bucky felt sick, he was blaming himself. If he had just told you how he felt then perhaps you wouldn't have left.

Your ears were ringing from the blow, you could taste the metal of the blood in your mouth.

“What makes you think they are even going to turn up?” You asked as you spat on the floor

The leader, you guessed, laughed. The sound turned your stomach. He came up close, and that's when you felt it. You had met this guy before at one of Tony’s parties. You swallowed thickly as the stench of his cologne invaded your senses. It was that creep Damien.

“They will come. Captain America will not let his precious sweetheart come to harm.” He scoffed “Well. Any more harm that is”

“You think I'm his sweetheart? You couldn't be further from the truth.”

“We know you work for Tony Stark and we have proof of you and the Captain”

You knew you had to keep stalling, keep him talking. You wondered if FRIDAY had hacked any security. You just had to keep him busy until the got there.

Steve and Bucky couldn't take their eyes off the screen.

“I'm about 5 minutes out from the destination guys” Tony’s voice came through the comms. “If she can keep stalling we should get there before any more damage is done”.

“What kind of proof?”

“I know what you're doing? I will not be stalled.”

“But I don't know what you're talking about? Proof of me and Captain America? Even the idea is ridiculous. I'm just a receptionist. I don't know anything. Me and Captain America?” You turned to face the guy holding you “You've seen the guy right? Why would someone like him be with someone like me?” He didn't answer you “Not a talker then?”

Steve could feel his anger rising, his hands sore from the fists he was clenching. Bucky wanted to break something.

“ENOUGH!” Damien shouted as he smacked you again. “I want to know one thing and you will answer me”

You lifted your head and held his gaze.

“Where is The Winter Soldier?”

You blinked a few times “The who?”

He smacked you again. “Where is the Winter Soldier? Do not make me ask a third time”

"Fuck you" You spat at him. A light spray of blood from your mouth covering his own.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He smirked and it sent chills down your spine. "Wipe her”

“NO!” Bucky shouted at the screen “Fuck no. We gotta get there now”

“What are we seeing? What's going on?” Nat asked from the pilot's seat.

The image of a chair surrounded by computers came into view. Bucky felt his stomach turn. He threw his hands into his hair. Steve eyes flicked between his friend and the screen.

“Buck?”

“We gotta get in there and stop them. Now. They get her in there and we'll lose her.”

“What do you mean?”

“That's where they wipe you. They wipe your mind.”

You started fighting against the man holding you. You weren't a natural fighter and what little training you had wasn't going to get you out of this easily. You kept struggling, anything to make it harder for them to sit you in that chair.

You were pushed forward, landing hard on the concrete floor. A heavy blow came to your side, followed by a second and you screamed in pain. You curled up into yourself trying to make yourself smaller.

You were pulled up to your feet by your hair and thrown into the chair. Your scalp screaming and your back instinctively arching from the pain yet you continued to struggle.

There was a flash beside you and everything seemed to stop.

“Give me back my y/n” Tony demanded aiming his phasers at the machine and Damien.

Damien had grabbed you and held you in front of him. “I already told you. Give me the Winter Soldier and she's all yours”

“We don't have you damn soldier” Tony tried to keep his voice calm. He knew from his comms the rest of the team were inside the building and making their way to your location. “Now hand over y/n and we'll forget this ever happened.”

You could hear the fighting in the distance. A door flying open distracted Damien enough for you to duck, allowing Tony to fire at him. Tony grabbed you telling you to make your way to the quinjet. You started moving as fast as you could when you felt a sharp pain in your shoulder and you sunk to your knees. Your vision started to blur and you could hear voices calling and shots being fired.

You heard a voice louder than all the others above the fighting. A foreign language. Russian maybe. Stated one single word after another.

Сильное желание (longing)

You looked around for the source, everything was a blur.

Ржавый крюк (rusted)

Семнадцать (seventeen)  
Рассвет (daybreak)

You tried to stand. Arms wrapped round you. Whatever fight you had left you tried to swing at them. Coming face to face with Clint.

Печь (furnace)

девять (nine)

Доброкачественный (benign)

You could just make out Steve running towards and past you before you heard more fighting. Clint setting you down in a corner while he took out more of the enemy charging towards you.

Возвращение домой (homecoming)

You hadn't seen Bucky. Where was Bucky? Was he safe?

Один. (One)

Clint wrapped his arm back around you, as he was about to lift you up there was a flash and you both fell backwards again.

Товарный вагон. (Freight car)

You just got to your feet and slowly approached Clint when you were grabbed again, this time by the unmistakable feeling of metal. You turned to see Bucky. But this wasn't Bucky. Not anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

You tried to touch him, hoping a familiar touch would bring him back, instead his metal hand grabbed your throat and lifted you slightly. You began clawing at him, your fingers looking for any possible leverage. You tried to speak but your voice was only coming out in a hoarse whisper as his grip tightened.

“Bucky” You could barely hear yourself “Bucky please. Bucky. I love you” His eyes flickered very slightly as his grip loosened a little. “Bucky please” Your vision was already fading. “I'm sorry” Your last words as everything went black. His grip loosened as you fell to the floor. Bucky, no, no longer Bucky but the infamous Winter Soldier stood over you.

“Hey Frosty! Pick on someone your own size” Tony called, phasers primed and aimed.

“Bucky?” Steve called out as he stepped into line with Tony. He took in your crumpled form on the ground. “No no no” He muttered.

Bucky had drawn his guns and was aiming one at you and the other towards Steve and Tony.

“Bucky” Steve tried to keep his voice controlled. “Bucky. Put the gun down”

Bucky remained frozen but his head tilted just a little “Who the hell is Bucky?”

Steve slowly moved towards him, almost like he was approaching a wounded animal. Tony stayed locked in place glaring at the pair of them. Steve stood in front of Bucky with Bucky's gun now pressed against his head.

“This isn't you Bucky” Steve kept his voice soft and calm. He knew his friend was in there somewhere.

Bucky blinked several times as if in recognition. Steve moved his position so he was in between Bucky and y/n. Bucky brought his second gun up. Steve kept eye contact.

“You're not going to shoot me Bucky. I'm with you till the end of the line pal.”

As soon as the words left Steve's mouth Bucky's face softened. He knew he knew those words. He knew they meant something. He lowered his guns placing them back in the holsters, but took a knife in their place.

Tony hadn't moved. He kept his phasers trained on the scene and one eye on your crumpled form.

“FRIDAY? Is y/n ok?” He asked the AI softly

“Can't really tell boss. She still has a pulse if that helps?”

Tony saw movement to his side and was ready to take out whoever or whatever it was, but relaxed when he realised it was Clint moving towards you.

“Are you two just going to eye fuck or what?” Clint commented harshly over the comms at Steve and Bucky just standing facing each other off.

“Can you get y/n out of there safely?” Tony emphasised the last word.

Bucky saw the movement and made to push Steve out of the way so he could get to y/n, but Steve pushed back making sure there was room to get you out of there.

You came to long enough to see Steve and Bucky fighting. They were really going at it. You looked up and saw Clint hovering over you smiling.

“It's alive.” He chuckled as he helped you up “Can you stand?”

You tried to answer but no sound came. You brought your hand up to your throat as if to remove whatever was preventing you from speaking.

“Shit! You're bleeding. We need to get you out of here now.” Clint placed your arm round the back of his neck and wrapped his arm round your waist to support you as he lead you out the building.

You looked back towards Steve and Bucky, tears pooling in your eyes.

“You can't do anything sweetheart. We need to get you out of here” Clint gently pulled you away.

Once on the quinjet you were laid on the medical table while Clint and Nat began treating your wounds. Everything was quiet apart from their soothing tones and you felt your eyes closing.

_****Flashback****_

_“I can't do this with you standing so close”_

_“I NEED to be this close to make sure your body is in the correct position”_

_“Your hands are very distracting”_

_“Your ass is very distracting” You yelped as Bucky playfully smacked you._

_“I'm going to ask Clint to teach me. At least he’d keep his hands to himself.” You snarked over your shoulder catching a flicker of anger flash through those icy orbs. You winked at him before turning your attention back to the gun in your hands and tried to concentrate on the targets in front of you._

_“Hey! I remember seeing that little dirty dancing routine you and him did. Trust me, his hands would be everywhere”_

_You could feel Bucky's hands adjusting your stance again before his warmth left you signalling that you could start firing. You emptied the chamber into the targets and set the weapon down, just as you'd been told to let him know you were done._

_“Is it wrong that I am so turned on right now?”_

_“Bucky!”_

_“What?” He looked at you with as much innocence he could muster. “In all seriousness though, you've definitely got a natural ability with the sniper.” He looked up from the targets with a proud smile on his face. “I'd be happy having you as my backup”_

_“Why thank you Sergeant Barnes”_

_“Ummm. I like the way you say that.” He breathed against your skin as he wrapped his arms around your waist pulling your back flush to his chest._

_“I like the way your arms feel wrapped round me. Makes me feel safe.” You turned your head to kiss him lightly._

_“You'll always be safe with me. Nothing and no one will ever harm you while I'm around.” He kissed you back before resting his forehead against your own and sighing._

_“Don't. I know what you're thinking. You aren't that person anymore.”_

_“Thank you”_

_“What for?” you asked as you playfully stroked the light stubble on his jawline._

_“Just thank you” He kissed you softly, pulling you as close as possible, squeezing you gently._

_********_

“Why is she not responding?” Clint's concerned voice echoed through the jet.


	15. Chapter 15

You had spent just over a week in the compounds’ medical wing receiving treatment and care and you spent the rest of your time recovering in your room, rarely leaving your sanctuary. You were grateful and thankful for all the care and kindness you had been shown, but now it was beginning to feel like pity. It felt like you could hear all the whispers as you walked the corridors, like you could feel all eyes on you. Judging you. Pitying you. It was slowly driving you mad. You found yourself sleeping less and less. Spending hours every night on your laptop, using all your resources searching for any trace of Bucky, until the sun came up and when you couldn't search anymore, you started researching Damien and what Hydra where planning next.

You were eating less and socialising less with the team. Most of the team tried to help, but you just couldn't bring yourself back from the edge of the darkness that was starting to surround you and you found yourself becoming more distant. 

You cried most nights. Cried that you had let yourself fall in love again and cursing yourself for having not learned your lesson from the last time. 

_****Flashback****_

_“Will you just stop and listen to me for a minute” Steve reached for your arm to stop you leaving the room_

_“I'd rather leave if you don't mind” You pulled your arm away._

_“Just give me a minute. Please. Let me try and explain”_

_“I think you've made yourself perfectly clear Steve. Now please. Just let me go.”_

_Steve backed away as you walked out of the room. When he was sure you had left he turned and punch a hole right through the wall._

_“You are so paying for that to be repaired” Tony said as he stepped into the kitchen area to fix a drink. “And my dear Capsicle, you will go and apologise to my y/n”_

_Steve shot Tony a glaring look and was about to reply when he was cut off._

_“I heard it all and I also understand, well, I think I understand what you meant. But saying it so bluntly was just mean.”_

_Steve slumped into a chair at the table and ran his hands over his face._

_“If you don't feel the same way then that's fine, but there are much better ways of saying it other than ‘I can't love you’.”_

_Steve winced hearing his own words. “Fuck. I have really fucked this up.”_

_Tony watched his reactions as he pulled a seat out to sit opposite him. “Let me ask you something Cap. And now I want you to be honest with me”_

_Steve sat back in his chair looking Tony in the eye. His hands flat on the table. Tony mirrored his actions_

_“Do you feel the same way?”_

_“I don't know”_

_“Would you miss her if she wasn't here?”_

_“Of course I would. We all would”_

_“Ah ah! Cap. This is about you. What would you miss? Her smile? Her laugh? The way she isn't afraid to call you out on your bullshit? The small tender little touches she gives you whenever you're near? Oh don't look at me like that, I notice these things.”_

_Steve dropped his head into his hands. “Fuck” He ran a hand through his hair. “I need to talk to her. To properly explain what I meant.”_

_“Yes. Yes you do. She's a good girl Steve. One of the real ones you know.” Tony stood up and moved to fix a drink. “I'll let you in on a little secret. Y/N doesn't give a shit that you're Captain America. She didn't fall in love with the super soldier. She fell in love with Steve Rogers. She took the time to get to know you. To know that you really were a good man. I'm not telling you this to sway your feelings for her, but I just think that if you have a chance of happiness then you should take it. Grab it with both hands and never let it go.”_

_********_

You had made a rare trip into the kitchen feeling that the compound was quiet enough that no one would be around. You turned the news on for an update on the world you were closing yourself off from. You froze when the screen came to life showing a happy, smiling, still greasy looking Damien front and center doing some political schmoozing. You felt sick as you began shaking. 

“Hey sweetheart. How you doing?”

You jumped at the sound of Clint's voice. Turning to look at him, his face morphing to show concern as he took you in. He looked passed you at the TV and saw the cause of your current state. He leaned forward turning the TV off. He placed his hands on your shoulders and gently rubbed your arms. 

“What can I do to help you?”

You lifted your eyes to meet his. “I want him dead”

Clint didn't release you, but he did back off a little. His eyes studied yours as if waiting for you to start laughing at your joke, but all he could see was anger and hurt. He hated seeing you like this. You were broken and he wanted to put you back together. 

He nodded before turning to leave. You waited a few moments before chasing after him. You caught up with him in the armoury.

“Wait.” You turned towards the gun you had been training with. Clint held his hand out waiting for you to give him the weapon, but retracted it when he saw you prepping it. He stood silently watching as your hands moved swiftly and expertly over the smooth black metal.

When you turned to face him you saw he was smirking at you. “Do I even want to know where you learnt that?”

You gave him a sad smile as you collected ammo and moved towards the door.

“Oh hold up! Where do you think you're going?” Clint stopped you by grabbing your arm. “There is no way in hell you're going with me.”

“Either I go with you or I do this on my own”

Clint pinched the bridge of his nose and you softened slightly. “Y/N. Sweetheart.”

“Clint. Don't you dare ‘sweetheart’ me. This needs to be done. I need to do this. That asshole ruined everything. I was happy. I had Bucky. We all had Bucky and now he's gone and I don't know if he's even still alive or still in the country and I've tried everything I know to try and find him and it's driving me insane.”

The tears were flowing and Clint was standing closer than before. His hands cupping your face as your tears trickled onto his fingers. He slowly and tenderly wiped the tears away. 

“Y/N. Look at me please. Breathe. That's my girl. Listen to me. You know I would gladly kill that dickless fucker for you. I will doing anything to make you happy, but I don't think this is the way to do this. Will killing him make you happy?”

“Yes”

Clint smiled as he pulled you into an embrace. You placed your head on his shoulder as you wrapped your arms round him. You took several deep breaths beginning to feel more grounded and calmer with each one. Clint stroked your hair as he felt you relax against him.

“You know deep inside that killing him won't make you happy. You're not a killer. And I won't let you do something that I feel could destroy you. Killing him won't bring Barnes back.”

“I miss him.”

“I know you do. I know you do. We all do. Let me and Nat help you look for him. You're trying to do this all on your own and it's making you ill. Stop pushing us all aside and let us help. Please sweetheart.”

Clint had walked you back to your room and playfully ordered you to rest up before he would return with Nat later on.

As you stepped back into your room after a long, hot, thought provoking shower, you felt as sense of rejuvenated optimisation. Unfortunately, that feeling faded as you saw Steve sitting on the edge of your bed with his head in his hands.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear!!

You tightened the belt of your robe as you tentatively sat next to him. For the first time you actually felt nervous. You had become really good at reading Steve over the years, but this was the first time you couldn’t tell how he was feeling or what he was thinking.

“Steve?” your voice was barely a whisper

He let his arms fall so that they were resting on his legs, but he didn’t turn to look at you. You could see his body tense slightly. “What were you thinking?” his voice was quiet and calm but had a very hard tone to it. 

“Steve. I”

“What were you thinking? Would you have actually gone through with it?” He pushed himself off the bed and stood by the window. He still hadn’t looked at you.

“I wasn’t thinking, that’s the problem. I was angry, I still am. When I saw him on the TV all smiles as if nothing had happened. I just became so full of rage and the only thing I could think of doing was killing the person who caused all this.”

You noticed that Steve’s body seemed to relax a bit as he took a few deep breaths. You dared to approach him, treating him like a wounded animal in your movements. 

“Why have you been distancing yourself from us, from me?”

You felt an unexpected tear fall from your eye. You hadn’t been thinking about anyone else this whole time. All you had been thinking about was yourself and how hurt you had been. You never stopped to think that someone else might be hurting.

“I thought I was going to lose you that day” his voice had lost its edge and had become soft once again. “When I saw you on that video I was so scared that that was going to be the last time I was going to see you.”

Your tears were flowing freely now as you stepped to stand in front of him. Your back against the cool window as you place a hand gently on his chest, over his heart.

“I’m still here” you whispered through the tears.

He finally looked at you and you could see that he had been crying too. He swiped at your tears with his thumb.

“You’re not though.” He turned away from you to walk to the door. He stopped once his hand was on the handle. “I miss him too you know. I needed you and I thought you needed me. I wanted to come to you so many times to help and comfort you, but you’ve been so distant.”

The way he turned to leave brought up a wave a anger. You couldn’t explain it, but it felt like a slap in the face. What was he doing? Why had he even come to see you?

“What are you doing?” Your words made him stop in the open doorway. “Steve. I asked you a question? What are you doing? Why are you here? Why do I feel that you’re angry with me for being upset about all this. I’m not the one who's at fault here. Are you even listening to me?”

He turned to face you not realising you had moved to stand so close. His face hardened, anger setting in. Now you could read him.

“Yes I heard you.”

“Well?”

He turned back into the room, closing the door. 

“I'm angry at you. I'm angry that you even thought about doing something as stupid as trying to kill him. I angry at Clint for agreeing so readily to help you. I'm angry that Buck’s gone again. I'm angry that you've pulled away from me.”

“You're angry? You weren't the one who was nearly blown up. You weren't the one who was kidnapped and beaten up. You weren't the one they tried to mind wipe. You weren't the one who got shot. You weren’t the one who was choked by their supposed boyfriend. You weren't the one who's been putting up with all the whispers and rumours since it happened. So yeah. Forgive me for being a little distant from everyone”

Your chest was heaving, your breathing was heavy. Tears felt hot against your cheeks. 

“Why did you come here Steve? Did you come here just to tell me how pissed you are at me? To blame me for Bucky? To have a go at me because I wasn’t there for you?”

You were feeling near hysterical now. All your emotions were pouring out and you couldn't contain anything anymore.

“I am pissed at you.” Steve's voice matching your own as you began to shout at each other. It was obvious that he was pouring all his emotions out at the same time. “I'm pissed at you for thinking you could take out someone. I'm pissed at you for not coming to me. I'm pissed at you for pushing us all away. And I'm pissed because if Bucky just told you how he felt you wouldn't have left and I wouldn't have gone through possibility of losing you.” 

Steve grabbed at his hair. Trying to calm his emotions. You closed the small space between you both and lifted a hand to his cheek. He dropped his hands and leaned into your touch. 

“You know what I'm most pissed at? Myself.”

You looked up at him, you red eyes stinging from the tears but still managing to burn into his soul. 

“Please don't hate me”

“Steve?”

Before you could say anything else his lips were on yours. You froze for the smallest of seconds before returning the kiss. Both of you letting all the mix of emotions come forth. Your hands tangled in his hair as he wrapped his arms round you and pulled you closer. Neither one of you wanting to stop for breath as your actions were becoming feral. Nothing about it was romantic or sweet and loving. 

Steve lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he moved towards the bed, where you were unceremoniously dropped. The action causing your robe to fall open slightly. You slipped the robe off completely while Steve made quick work of his clothes. You shuffled backwards up the bed with Steve mirroring your motions until his body was covering yours. Your lips met again in hungry kisses. His hand moved down your body until he reached your wet core. He moaned into your mouth as he slowly began coating his finger in your juices. Your back arched slightly as he thrust two fingers inside and made light work of bringing you to orgasm.

No time was wasted as he thrust his painfully hard cock inside you, causing you to moan somewhat sinfully. You clawed at his back and tugged on his hair as he thrust with expert precision while kissing and biting your neck and breasts. 

The room was full of moans, cursing and the sound of skin slapping against skin. It wasn't long before you were screaming each others names mixed with the odd ‘Fuck’, as you both went spiralling into an ecstasy filled abyss.

You both stilled, naked bodies pressed tight against one another, as you tried to calm your breathing. Steve rolled away from you and sat up at the side of the bed. You stared at the ceiling. Neither one of you spoke. Steve quietly dressed and left. You hadn't moved. You laid there, almost frozen, as the tears began to fall.


	17. Chapter 17

You dressed, wiping stray tears from your cheeks. You grabbed your phone and stuffed some money in your pockets before walking out of the compound without a word to anyone. You had no idea where you were walking to, you just kept walking. 

The crowds had thinned and you soon found yourself in a quieter part of the city. You could feel the first drops of rain and rather than let yourself get soaked, you ducked into a small coffee shop.

You sat in a small corner seat by the window and thought it was best to check your phone while your coffee cooled to a less than burning lava temperature. 4 missed calls from Clint, 6 from Steve and a text from Nat. You quickly typed out short messages. You told Clint and Nat you were fine and not to worry. And to Steve, well what could you say to Steve. You simply typed “I could never hate you” You turned your phone off, wrapped your hands around the mug and turned your attention to the few people still getting caught in the rain. 

You closed your eyes, took a deep breath inhaling the warming smell of the coffee and that's when you felt it. The hairs on your neck stood up and your skin began to tingle. You could feel eyes on you, staring as if sending a silent message. You slowly turned your head in the direction you felt compelled to turn to.

“Bucky” you whispered.

You stood slowly as to not draw attention to yourself before silently leaving the coffee shop and moving towards Bucky. As you stood on the opposite side of the street looking at him, he turned and began to walk away. A wave of panic hit and you ran across the road to catch him before he could disappear. You noticed that he wasn't exactly speeding away from you and you could have easily caught up with him, but you remained at a slower pace behind. You watched him walk down a small set of steps and in through a dark door. You stopped at the top of the steps waiting for a signal that it was ok to follow. You moved cautiously, ignoring the desire to run after him, when you realised he had left the door open. You stepped slowly into a dimly lit room, your eyes never leaving Bucky's figure watching you from the far corner.

You closed the door behind you and moved further into the room. Bucky mirrored your movements until you were standing a couple of feet apart, in the middle of the small room. You wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel him again, to tell him everything was ok.

“Bucky?  Do you know who I am?”

“You're Y/ N.”

You let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding in.

“What do you know or what can you remember?”

He removed the cap from his head and ran his fingers through his hair as he turned his head to avoid your eyes.

“I. I remember seeing you on a tv screen. I remember a fight. I remember.” he turned away from you. “I remember my hand.”

You cut him off before he could finish. “Bucky” you placed a hand on his shoulder, quickly pulling back as he flinched under your touch. “Bucky please. Please look at me”

“I've seen you. I've watched you. I've wanted to come to you so many times, but each time all I could see was my hand around your throat. That's all I've seen since that day”

“Bucky.” your voice cracked slightly. “Bucky. That wasn't you.”

His ice blue eyes snapped to yours “Yes it was.” He closed the gap between you both. “That was my hand around your throat. That. Was. Me” his own voice cracked as a silent tear trickled down his cheek.

You swiped your thumb across his stubbled cheek, he closed his eyes under the small touch. You cupped his cheek as you slowly and silently brought your lips to his. The kiss was as soft and gently as you could manage. He pulled away slightly resting his forehead against yours, his breath shaky.

“What if I hurt you again?”

“You won't”

Bucky pushed you back keeping his hands on your shoulders. “You don't know that” He turned his back to you. “You should leave.”

“No”

He turned back to face you his eyes almost pleading.

“I am not leaving without you.”

“Please Y/N. You aren't safe around me. Go back to Steve. You'll be safe with him”

You couldn't hold back the tears. “I am not leaving without you. I love you Bucky.”

“I don't deserve your love.”

You felt your heart break at his words. You could hear the defeat in his voice and saw how his body seemed to crumble. You moved towards him again cupping his face in your hands. You brought your lips back to his. You felt him tense for a moment as he fought with himself, before his hand went to the back of your neck and he deepened the kiss.

You pressed your body closer as he placed his other hand on the small of your back. Your hands moved into his hair as the kiss became more heated. He moaned quietly into your mouth as you tugged gently on his hair.

You broke the kiss first, reluctantly. You took his metal hand in yours and brought it up to your lips were you placed a kiss on the palm. Bucky tried to hide the tears that threatened at the gesture.

“I love you. Every single part of you. You deserve to be loved.”

“I don't deserve you y/n. Everything I've done. The person I was or still am. I don't deserve someone as beautiful as you.”


	18. Chapter 18

“You look troubled?”

“Me?”

“Well I certainly don't mean bird brain over there”

“Hey! I heard that!”

Nat playfully rolled her eyes at Clints faux hurt expression as she turned her attention back to Steve.

“So what's going on?”

“Nothing's going on” Steve placed his phone on the table and turned his head towards Natasha.

“You are terrible at lying. And don't say you're not.”

Steve sighed as he rubbed his hands over his face.

“I did something stupid”

“That's not unusual for you” Clint called out as he stood up from his spot on the couch before joining them at the table. “What was it this time?”

Steve let out another sigh “I had sex with y/n”

“Well. I would have said about time, but what the fuck?” Clint raised his voice slightly

Natasha leaned forward and smacked Steve across the back of the head “Your timing is impeccable Rogers”

“I didn't plan for it to happen”

“Is that why she left?”

“Left? What do you mean left?”

“She left, I'm assuming not long after you two did the…” Clint made a gesture at Steve earning him a smack on the back of the head from Natasha. “I'm sure she'll be back. None of her stuff is gone.”

Natasha and Steve both gave him a questioning look

“I went to her room cos I said we would help her look for Bucky. That's when I realised she was gone. But all her stuff was still there so I figured she'd just gone for a walk or something. I'm sure she's fine.”

“What if she isn't though. What if. Fuck! I'm such an idiot” Steve raised his voice. Angry at the situation and himself”

“Yeah you are. What were you thinking? Why now? What about Bucky?”

“I don't think I was thinking Nat. I hate to admit it but I didn't think about Bucky at all.” Steve ran his hands through his hair and let out an annoyed groan. “I was angry. At y/n. At myself. I feel like it was my fault.”

“What's your fault?”

“All of this. If I just. I don't know. Maybe kept my emotions in check. I. Don't. Know.”

“Steve. None of this is your fault” Clint stated as he got up to get drinks. “You didn't get her kidnapped did you? No. You didn't trigger the Winter Soldier. Which reminds me. Weren't Tony and Bruce looking into that?”

“Clint. Focus”

“Yeah. Sorry. Look. I get that you're pissed that I was going to go with her to take out that dickless fuck”

“You did what?”

“We'll talk later Nat ok? Like I said, I get that you're angry I really do. Seeing her on that video. Knowing what they were doing or going to do to her. Seeing his hand around her throat. I get it Steve I really do. But fuck man. Why now?”

Steve dropped his head to the table, cussing as he hit it with a thump. He slowed his breathing until he felt ready to talk. He lifted his head slowly not making eye contact with Clint or Natasha. He concentrated on his phone as he spun it round on the table.

“I know my timing sucks. It really does. It's just. Urgh! The thought of losing her scared me to fucking death. I'm still trying to figure all this shit out in my own head”

“What about the shit she's trying to figure out. You think about her feelings at all” Clint tried not to raise his voice but he felt anger towards Steve's comments.

“Steve?” Natasha’s voice was soft as she tried to catch his attention. He reluctantly turned to look at her “You’re still in love with her aren't you?”

“I never stopped being in love with her.”

********

_“It's ok Steve. I get it, I really do. I was a fucking idiot to even think I stood the remotest of chances. But. But I understand.”_

_Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “Y/N. Can you please sit down. Now listen.” He ran his hands through his hair once you had taken a seat. He looked at you and began pacing. “What I said was wrong. Very wrong and I never should have said it. No. No talking. Just listen. Please.”_

_You sat on the end of your bed, watching as Steve paced backwards and forwards. You kept your eyes on him._

_“Ok. I didn't mean it when I said I can't love you. Those were the completely wrong words. I can love and I want to love you. I really do. But I am so scared that something could happen to you if we're together. I'm terrified that someone could use you against me. Against the team. I don't want you in any danger. I couldn't live with myself if something ever happened to you.”_

_Steve had stopped pacing and had kneeled down in front of you. His eyes were red. He wiped a tear from your cheek before holding your hands in his._

_His voice was softer when he spoke again. “I sorry Y/N. I never meant to hurt you. I. Shit. I do love you, but for your own safety I can't be with you.”_

_“I understand Steve. I can't say like it and I think you're wrong. But I will respect your decision.” You stood and Steve mirrored you._

_You stood looking up at him with a sad smile._

_“Please don't hate me”_

_You placed your hand gently on his cheek stroking the soft skin with your thumb. “Steve. I could never hate you.” You placed a soft and what you hoped was a loving kiss on his lips._

_Steve's hand came up to the small of your back pulling you towards him while the other came up to the back of your head as he held you close allowing him to deepen the kiss. His head was screaming at him to stop. That this was wrong but his heart was also screaming to follow its lead. He reluctantly broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against yours._

_“I love you”_

_********_


End file.
